Oh how I lovthe you...

I'm about to discuss a topic that hits a sore spot for most people I know. In fact, they'll do anything they can to avoid it.

Wal~Mart

There, I said it. Now personally, I hold no ill thoughts (save for one, but we'll get to that later) towards the aforementioned place of ill repute. In fact, I enjoy it. I don't mind the masses of people, the crowded aisles, having to creep around corners with your cart to avoid a disastrous head on collision with another. I will sometimes even venture to Wal~Mart just to stroll around, with no list, nothing to intentionally buy, but just to see if they have something at a price that I just must have. Even then, I'll often leave the store empty handed after an hour of walking around for fear of buyers remorse.
Wal~Mart has almost everything I could possibly need, so why avoid it? It's become a staple to everyday life, why not enjoy it's existence?

There is one thing I dislike, nae hate. It tears at the very fabric that is my soul. When it happens (oh, and it does all too often) I curse under my breath, grind my teeth, and secretly wish the most heinous death to all other shoppers that aren't suffering the same fate.

The cart with a divot in the wheel. I feel it's a curse for some wrong-doing I have done sometime in my life. Every time I walk in and need a cart, I stare at the hundreds of carts carefully choosing the best looking one, the one that will roll ever so smoothly along the expansive concrete floors that are Wal~Mart. The choice is very important, because you don't know if you've made the right one until you get through the doors and past the point of no return. The decision makers at Wal~Mart tiled the entry way so the wheels make that dreaded "clack" "clack" noise whether they are smooth or not. You don't know until you hit the smooth concrete past the doors if you got a good one or not.
Sure enough, a few steps past the doors and there it is. SHIT!!! I can't very well turn around and grab another cart whilst returning the old one. For one, there is usually a steady line of people entering and exiting the store, and you'd be damned to get in their way and impede their progress. Second, what happens if the next cart does the same thing, or it's worse? You'd have to bring it back as well and keep doing that until you find one that suits your needs! By that time, the door greeter has noticed you obviously have and OCD disorder or has assumed that you are completely crazy and will call security.
Commence the grinding of the teeth. If you need a cart, then it isn't a short trip. You have to push that clanky SOB all over the store and every step makes you hate the world more. I will only ever grab a cart if I NEED it. If I think I might need a cart, I'll grab a basket instead. I don't care if the thing weighs 50 pounds when I'm done shopping as long as it all fits.
I do what I do to avoid a cart because for me, it's like the lottery. I have the same chance of getting a good cart as I do winning millions of dollars. As I said, it's a curse I'm sure.

Fight to the finish!

This week, my boss and I got new phones. He went out on Wednsday and bought himself the HTC Evo. I had previously ordered a new Apple iPhone and received it yesterday. Knowing the hype that exists and the maliciousness between the two phones, we saw it fitting to pit the against eachother. We knew that one phone probably wouldn't come out alive, but we had to see who was right, which phone was better and stronger. As they said in Highlander, there can be only one.

After some deliberation, we finally sat them next to eachother on my desk. We were astounded by what we saw.


At first, they just sat there... not really doing much of anything. But then, they.... joined hands?!?

The phones then proceded to talk about the weather like old men that had known eachother for eternity.

They got down from the desk and went to a childlike state and played for what seemed like hours with some toys.

They even decided to show their patronage to our fair country even though neither was born here.

To say the least, we were surprised. There was no bloody fight to the finish, no fanciful display of processing power and abilities. Turns out these phones don't hate eachother like many of their owners hate the other for owning the "enemy phone". This experience was inspirational.

Cheater!

My wife has found a new love. She's fallen in love with Summer Vacation. It's not that I don't understand... I myself had a great deal of admiration and appreciation for Summer Vacation during my school years. We have since grown apart and I've had a greater gratitude for Holidays and my elected vacation time from work.
The part that upsets me, however, is that she isn't even hiding it. She is practically flaunting her love affair in my face. She's recently even become friends with Summer Vacation on Facebook and has posted public love letters for all of her friends to see.
My only solice is the knowledge that Summer Vacation will eventually run out of steam. Fall will shove him out and the love affair will be forced to an end. In the meantime, I can only endure it.

The fish have started to bite...

My newest project...

My projects... probably one of the main reasons my wife hates me. I recently decided I wanted a boat. I had one before... but that's another story, and a sore subject with the wife.

Anyhow... I bought an old used paddleboat for a measly $75 delivered (the low price is probably the only reason my wife gave me permission). I plan on motorizing the boat and making it possibly the fastest paddle boat on earth!!! Muah ha ha ha! As long as like 10 mph is the fastest paddle boat ever. Anyhow, I've started scrubbing and cleaning it up. I'll keep up to date as it progresses.

My morning

So, I get up at the crack of dawn for a fishing tournament. I had forgotten to get a provisional license need for the tournament, so I ran to walmart at 4:30 in the morning to get it. I then proceeded to my friend's house. On the interstate, I noticed an suv in front of me (it was far enough ahead that I could only see the tail lights) waiver back and forth and then swerve severly to the left and slam head-on into the median. I pulled over right away and called 911. The guy driving the suv stumbled out and over to my car. I managed to get him out of the road and was helping him stand while the ambulance arrived. I could only decipher that he had injured his leg from him pointing at it and groaning in pain (he was a hispanic man that didn't speak a lick of english). When the ambulance and "authorities" arrived I had to give a statement since I was the only witness.

All before 5:30 in the morning.

We easily lost the fishing tournament by the way. I managed to only catch ineligible fish and couldn't weigh a single one.

Just another day...

That's what she said

You hurt my elbow, you suckbitch!

Rowan, my dog...

I haven't mentioned my dog on this blog yet. His name is Rowan, he is a Vizsla, and he is just a little over 5 months old. He has TONS of energy, and he seems to be pretty smart, but stubborn.

Religion and Politics

Everyone thinks their way is the only way. Most people will get into a very heated arguement and even get angry at a good friend if they have differing views.
My opinion? To each his own. If you want to see something in a certain way, then by all means... go for it. I might not agree with it, and I may let you know that. I might debate it a bit. One thing I won't do is attack you personally, treat you like you are ignorant, or get angry and spiteful towards you. I welcome differing opinions, it lets me see things from a point of view I may not have thought about and therefore makes me stronger on the subject. If you refuse to see things from another's point of view, you only limit yourself and you make yourself vulnerable to looking like you don't know what you are talking about. When it comes to these subjects, you don't want to look like you don't know what you are talking about.

Nightcrawlers...

So I believe spring is officially here. I went out in the yard tonight and collected a couple dozen nightcrawlers, despite the help of my 5 month old puppy.

Went fishing on Saturday... didn't catch anything. The dog enjoyed it though, and I got a little target shooting in. Plus, I am very happy with the success of my stereo thus far. I made it late last year and have yet to charge it.

A stereotype that movies don't mess up:

Do you work in an office building or school, or anything similar? If so, you probably have a maintenance man (or woman). Usually, movies or sitcoms cast this person as an unsightly person trapped in a time warp who takes their job entirely too seriously.
The typical maintenance Man is often seen wearing 22 year old leather boots (because they can be resoled one more time… they're good for another year at least), dirty blue jeans or polyester slacks (whatever the dress code at his company calls for), a belt that matches his boots with a spring snap key ring dangling off of it (the key ring holds countless keys, of which I'm guessing he uses a max of 5) and either a gas station style nametag shirt or hoodie (depending on the season). You can usually count on this man to have either mutton chops or a circa 1973 porn 'stache.
If you walk by this man, you may get the impression that he doesn't like you, or wants nothing to do with you. That feeling couldn't be further from the truth. He, in fact, is using his demeanor to impress you. In his world, if his job isn't done to a tee, lives are at stake and he wants everyone to see the undying determination in his eyes as he walks around the building a half step faster than anyone else (although it usually takes an eternity to finish a job that has been started).
I've noticed, that the typical maintenance woman is an entirely different creature. You know in some fairy tale stories when the princess kisses the frog and it turns into a prince? Now imagine a frog ACTUALLY turning into a person. Get my drift? If not, three words: Jaba the Hut. My experience with maintenance women has left me with the impression that they are usually either very friendly (wanting to talk your ear off about their grandkids) or they simply hate you. I have also been left feeling a bit jealous, always comparing their perfectly groomed facial hair to my own disheveled whiskers (yes, I'm still talking about the maintenance woman). They move at a significantly slower pace that the maintenance man. One major difference between the man and woman is their form of revenge. If you upset a maintenance man, don't count on your things getting fixed promptly. If you upset a maintenance woman, don't even tell her that something is messed up… not only will she not get to it timely, but she'll mess up 3 other things just to spite you.

My cooler stereo

I created a stereo using a car stereo, speakers, a car battery, and a cooler:

It has a volt meter and MP3 player input:

I also put in a weather resistant cover for the stereo:

I've since added a solar panel to the top to increase play time/decrease charging time.

That's what she said:

My dog needs a haircut... he looks like a mutant bearcub!

Smoker

I decided to build my own smoker before spring. A bit redneck, I know, but I'm happy with it so far. Here are the results as of today:

Started with a barrel:

Burned it out and stripped off the paint.

Cut out the doors

Added the grilling surfaces

A kettle grill lid and some other accessories and you have a finished product! OK, it isn't completely finished, but it is in working order.

Yeah, I skipped a few steps, but you get the idea...

1st official post...

OK, so I realize I'm probably at least 10 years late to the blogging thing. Sorry.

Now that we have that covered, I've created this blog to share ideas, thoughts, and things I find entertaining or annoying.